My old friends are stuck on who I was in the past

✨awakefeminine✨
4 min readSep 19, 2023

“Omggg hii! Where have you beeen??”

… hah.. I’ve been.. all around?

“I haven’t seen you on social media, do you still use Snapchat??”

Snapchat… I almost forgot about its existence..

“Have you seen what blayzahblay is doing?”

Sorry but I don’t feel like speaking about my ex from 4 years ago..

“Seriously though, you completely disappeared”

Well, you would have to come see me at my shows.

Have you ever bumped into an old friend and realized they‘re stuck where you left them?

Well, that happens to me quite a lot.

I’ve realized that it’s one of the downsides of elevating and being an adult — a painful realization that I’ve had to work myself through over the past few years.

Have there been tears? Yes. Confusion? Yes. Growing pains? YES.

As someone who chose a unique career path of becoming a full time musician and event manager, I sometimes feel the most lonely among other people. Since we lead different lives, it is hard to relate to one another and I find myself always having to explain my life to others, which has become a tiring process.

“So.. how does it work? I mean, how do you make money? Do you make money?”

Trust me, I understand the curiosity. But what happened to talking about real feelings and family or old memories that give birth to laughter? Things that actually hold some depth and meaning in our relationship.

Who really wants to talk about work all the time anyway?

And I get it, I get it. My career path is interesting, because it’s different. But it also makes my social circle smaller, because I naturally hang around people who can relate to my lifestyle. And the past few months, I’ve found that my husband and family are already a big bunch of people to nurture my relationship with. Adulthood takes a lot of time & effort.

I am sorry Becca but I am not who I was 4 years ago

And why do I apologize?

Actually, I don’t.

I don’t really even ever explain this to people.

I’ve just been trying to set boundaries.

And that can be tiring too, but it’s something I am learning. As a people pleaser, shutting down someone’s efforts to speak about an ex does feel… uncomfortable. Mainly because of the awkward silence after. But I don’t want to talk about it, it brings my mood down and it’s simply not where I’m at today, so why should I?

After all I’ve endured some tough experiences related to the topic.

Over a year ago I received a long text from an old friend about how horrible I am as a person, simply because I put a boundary on her. And maybe because, after all these years, I could see how jealous she was of me. She was exposed and I wasn’t going to back down from my truth this time.

She was one of my oldest friends and it hurt, but forgiving her freed me at the same time.

Truth is, I’ve elevated — changed a lot of things in my life for the better and I made tough choices to go for my dreams. This has transformed me in many ways and when I meet old friends I can’t go back into the old box their lens is viewing me from. No matter how hard they try to push me. And explaining everything that has happened over the past 4 years, so that they could have a better grasp of who I am as a person today, would be nearly impossible.

So where does that leave us?

In a dark abyss of confusion? In a state of grieving who we used to be? Are we mere strangers now? — I am not sure.

My husband told me that a lot of our so called friends are friends because of circumstance, and when the circumstance (school, work, neighbours) changes, so does the friendship.

I’ve found that to be inherently true.

So maybe a big part of being an adult is accepting that friendships come and go, and that there is beauty in celebrating the good times you shared together. Everyone is not meant to be in your life forever, and some people serve a purpose in your life for a short period of time — to get you to where you are supposed to go. Maybe the issues only arise when we try to push these old friendships to be something they’re not?

Sometimes you need to close some doors to open new ones, and that’s okay.

I am so grateful for our friendship back in the day, remember that school trip to Italy? I really look back at our memories together with so much love

“I agree! That was so much fun. Beautiful years…”

Yes very! I want you to know that, even though we don’t hang out anymore, I will always appreciate our friendship

“Omg same, really! You were one of my best friend in high school!”

Same here Becca! I really gotta catch this train now but it was nice bumping into you. If you’re ever around you’re always welcome to come to one of my shows!

“Thank you! I’ll keep an eye out!”

Alright, see you! :-)

“See you! :-)”

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✨awakefeminine✨

A creative soul exploring the layers of love, femininity, spirituality, health & self improvement. 💕✨